“Since everything is a reflection of the mind, everything can be changed by the mind.”
Every heard a noise in the middle of the night and get really scared, then realize it was the ice machine? You let out a sigh of relief when you figure it out, but for a few seconds you are frozen thinking about every horror movie that frightened you as a kid. For me it was the show Unsolved Mysteries, the theme music creeped me out. It happens in a split second, but our thoughts directly trigger a feeling.
Feelings mostly originate from our thoughts, both positive and negative. Think about the things you were dreading so much that gave you so much anxiety when you sat there and thought about it, then it turned out to be not that big of a deal. Or the thought of visiting someone that you haven’t seen in a long time. Or as I mentioned early, a scary movie that makes you feel afraid and causes you to jump at every sound.
How we feel is directly related to how we think. How we think is directed related to what has been presented to us. We are afraid of the dark or strange noises because we were shown a movie where bad things happened in the dark. We are afraid of relationships because we experienced a bad one or weren’t shown a great example of one from our parents when we were growing up. Scared to show our weaknesses because its been presented to us that it isn’t acceptable.
So if we desire to change how we feel, in relationships, work, or in our lives in general, we must first identify that it originates in how we are thinking. The good news is that it with in our control. We can change this by the following steps:
1. Identify the negative thoughts. Its good to break these down in to a sentence or two. “I’m never good enough”. Or “ I really am not good at relationships”. Some times these thoughts are always in the background in everything we do. “I am not good enough, I always screw up”. Become aware how often we think these things and how much they are influencing how we feel. Be aware of what you body and you feelings are telling you.
2. Compare those thoughts to facts. Movies most of the time are not based in reality. Our negative thoughts are usually not based in truth either. We tend to blame ourselves more than we should when there are many factors at play in life that may have causes certain outcomes. As children, its hard for us to understand that our parents are flawed humans also with their own stuff they are trying to figure out. And so when negative things happen, we tend to blame ourselves. But this is incorrect. Most of our anxiety, fears, and negative beliefs about ourselves are not based in fact.
3. Present yourself with new information. Observe others that have been through similar circumstance and produced outcomes that were pleasing. How did they handle the situation?
4. Change your perspective on things to get new information in order to see things differently. What would this situation look like if I approached it from a different point of view?
5. Replace old thought with new ones. For example “ Mistakes do not have to mean failure, the could mean growth and learning. “ or “ I am worth more than how I am being treated.” . Repeat these thoughts like a mantra. A declaration of you new way of thinking.